The Experienced Listener Says, “Let Us Carve OutKast into Stone Mountain!!!”

I’m proud to be from the South.  …Until I’m reminded how ssstupid people from the South can be.  Could you imagine going up to a Jewish person and saying, “Hey, the Final Solution wasn’t really about killing all the Jews; it was about promoting German nationalism and Aryan solidarity!”  Or, “Hey, Gen. Erwin Rommell may have worked for Hitler, but he wasn’t as bad as Hitler, so it’s okay to honor some Nazis!”  Or, “The Egyptians and Babylonians enslaved and killed Jews too; why aren’t you condemning them the way you’re condemning the Nazis?” 

Well, that’s the level of ssstupid ya gotta deal with if you’re a Black person living in the South right now.  Because folks everywhere are trying their BESTS to minimize any connection between the Confederacy and slavery to justify honoring and upholding Confederate symbolism and memorabilia. 

“It’s about heritage, not hate.”  

“It’s about states’ rights, not slavery.”

“It’s about southern pride.” 

“Northerners had slaves too.”

…Maybe we’d know Northerners had slaves too if history books weren’t so busy protecting the “more patriotic” images of America’s forefathers, but that’s another day’s top---where the HAIL is that green FROG with my LIPTON!!

Anyway, my heritage goes a little something like this: my ancestors were brought here as cargo/commodities, stripped of their human status immediately and deemed property, put in chains like animals, and beaten into free labor.  And if that’s something to be proud of, then why are there no slaves’ faces on Stone Mountain, huh?  Why no Harriet Tubman and no Nat Turner?  Why is slavery being minimized in Texas and Oklahoma history books as we speak?  Where’s that part of the “southern pride” ya’ll swear by?

But nevermind all that; let me tell ya what happened today…

There’s one thing about the South that I’m VERY, EXTREMELY proud of…and that’s OutKast.  I grew up on these Atlanta natives, as well as the rest of the Dungeon Family, and their great music and messages; I mean, they’re no saints, but… hell, they didn’t own slaves or kill indigenous peoples in the name of Jesus either.  (Which… Jesus probably didn’t like very much, btw.) 

So, in the course of my usual adventuring in the land of Information Superhighway, guess what I came across?  A petition:  Add OutKast (and a Cadillac) to the Stone Mountain Rock Carving.  And, instantly, my eyes went like this (((O_o)))

………I WANT THIS TO HAPPEN.  …………I ABSOLUTELY FREAKING WANT THIS TO HAPPEN.

Now, there’s two groups of thinkers reacting to this concept right now.  Group A is thinking, “Hell no!  We don’t want those n[inja master]s up there ruining our legacy!”  Group B is thinking, “Well, why not MLK or Harriet Tubman, or someone related to the struggle”?  Now Group A… they’re the ssstupid people I was referring to at the beginning of this blog, so I’m not even gonna dignify that with a response.  Group B, you have a legitimate point--- let me throw ya a curve ball. 

Ya ever seen people move into a rich neighborhood to get away from “those people”, trying to maintain a certain social status in their own minds?  …Only to have “those people” end up moving in right next door and blow that perfect little picture completely the funk up?  Wouldn’t it be nice to see that happen… AT STONE MOUNTAIN?!  I mean, after all the lynchings, rapes, whippings--- I mean,that was some pretty immoral, ungodly stuff, right?  So why not chop that tall white perfect pristine pedestal down a notch or two?  Now, the NAACP wants to sandblast the Confederate generals clean off the wall… mmmnnn, it’s not a terrible idea.  But what would be a GREAT idea is to put the brilliant, creative, daring, talented, handsome, successful descendants of the very slaves the Confederates fought to keep in chains... RIGHT NEXT TO ‘EM. 

…In a Cadillac.

…Forever.

That’s right:  I wanna see OutKast… right next to Robert E. Lee and Stonewall Jackson.  I wanna pull a “There goes the neighborhood…” on Stone Mountain.  I wanna TROLL… Stone Mountain.

And here’s why it’s cool:  the “history” and “heritage” and “legacy” would still be there!  We’re not talking about removing anything; all we’d be doing is telling the rest of the story--- about how Black folks in the South proved that we aren’t property, aren’t animals, aren’t subhuman, and actually have become America’s cultural TRENDSETTERS.  Now that’s something about the South that I’m proud of:  the brilliant Big Boi and Andre 3000, riding Cadillacs from the slums of Georgia all the way to the top of the charts, to several Grammys, and to worldwide renown and adoration!

Just think… Southern Blacks have gone from iron chains to Diamond albums.  And 70% of the album purchases… came from the descendants of slave traders and slave owners and other supremacists who had, for generations, taught them to hate and despise us because of the color of our skin!  What a FEAT!!!

So yeah--- in the name of all that is progressive, of all that is just due, of all that is flat out trolling--- I need OutKast up on thatmonument right next to those Confederate generals.

…In a Cadillac.

…Forever.

These are your instructions:  Click this link, sign the petition.  I’m not even kidding.  Sign it.  Share it. 

…And let’s see if we can get Barack Obama to sign it too, he’sdown with the Dungeon.

…And then share it with Bernie Sanders, I think he might sign it too.

#DUNGEONUPONTHEMOUNTAINSIDE --- Sounds like a dope album title, ya think?  I think so…

 Dungeon Family, I hope ya'll listenin'.