The Experienced Listener Says, “Rihanna is a Disco Queen”

I pride myself on being able to find the right words in any situation.  *cough* *cough* ...My bad; throat kinda dry.  Anyway, when Rihanna first came out, I didn’t know WHAT to think; thus I didn’t know what to say about her.

“Pon De Replay” had me thinking she was another Disney-pop phenom, but with a little more… ‘goodness gracious’ in her hips.   And green eyes that would Shang Tsung my soul if I looked too long.
  …Cool.  But I didn’t like the song tho, so I paid no attention.  The next time I paid any attention to Rihanna was on “Umbrella”.  Solid single, but she had adopted a somewhat different image; a little darker, a little more runway model-esque.  Basically, apart from her being able to make a chart-toppingly successful pop song, what I took away from the whole thing was Rihanna wasn’t just pretty--- she was DEAD fine.  Ok, cool… but again, the song didn’t move me, so, again, I moved on. 

Then I heard about her linking up with Jay-Z, blah-blah and kinda got the impression she wasn’t going away anytime soon.  What cemented her rise to stardom for me was when Covergirl took notice of her; no offense, but in my mind her beauty has always been her best asset, so I knew that move was gonna put her career into a nice groove.  Cruise control, if you will.

But the thing was… I still didn’t know what to call her.  People were comparing her to Beyonce, 1) because of infidelity rumors surrounding Jay; 2) because they both sing.  But obviously Rihanna, like many pop singers, can’t really bust heads with Beyonce vocally.  Yet, the mentions continued, and somewhere in my mind… I felt like she DID deserve mention alongside Beyonce.  Why?  ...Obviously, so they can take sexy pics together.

...I’m kidding.

Honestly, I didn’t have an answer until recently.  I thought about what Rihanna means to me (from a

listener’s perspective, that is).  I can’t call myself a big fan, but one song I found myself unable to deny was “We Found Love”.  I honestly liked that cut, a LOT.  Like, my goal in life right now is to find my way to Carowinds theme park, and when I get there, I want this song playing so I can have the right atmosphere to enjoy myself in.   And that’s when it hit me:  the reason this gorgeous girl with tiger eyes is constantly mentioned in the same sentence as Beyonce is because, while Beyonce is arguably this generation’s Queen of R&B, Rihanna is this generation’s Queen… of Disco.  Rihanna’s a disco queen; a 2015 disco queen. When I hear Rihanna's music, I don’t wanna judge Rihanna’s singing; I wanna party with her.  I wanna dance with her (or rather WATCH her dance cuz dancin ain’t really my thing… yet).  Hit a theme park or a carnival with her and tear it up, ya dig?

Now, I know somebody’s thinking--- maybe even Rihanna herself--- that she doesn’t do disco music.  Let me put it to you this way:  when you think Rihanna, you don’t think acappellas, crescendos, octaves, and vibratos; you think weed, sex, fashion, and laser lights.  …That’s disco! Only minus the LSD and the Afros.  

Certainly, you could also make the argument she’s a pop icon, which would be true.  But as far as DOMINATING pop or calling herself a “Queen of Pop” there are three hurdles.  1) Her “bad girl” image alienates a certain MASSIVE audience… frankly, the audience that Taylor Swift holds in the palm of her hand with her “All-American Girl” goodness, to put it politely.  2) Pop is this weird amorphous genre where all the other genres kinda overlap--- which puts her right back in competition with Beyonce, the hardest working woman in entertainment.  3) She’s a bad girl… but is she badder than Madonna?   She might get there one day, but I don’t think she’s quite there yet; Lady Gaga and Katy Perry are a little ahead of her in that particular line. 

So yeah… “Queen of Pop” ain’t gon fly.

She’s not a Whitney Houston, not a Mariah Carey, not a Patti Labelle.  She’s a Donna Summer, a Blondie, a Patrica Rushen.  And maybe two shades of Madonna---  "Dress You Up" Madonna and "Vogue" Madonna.  She’s become an indispensible part of the party scenes and clubscapes from coast to coast... the discotheques.  

In all seriousness tho...... I only wrote this article because I wanted an excuse to post this picture.  Ambrosia ForHeads posted it online and I… I just couldn’t focus man. Congratulations to Rihanna on hitting the 100,000,000 mark.  I’m immune to Kryptonite, but whatever that stuff is in your eyes... it’s definitely killin me.  Spare my life, plz.

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